To kill or not to kill?

I have had a dilemma these last few days, or more so a mental battle concerning both justice and revolution (change). To aid me I have, again, watched the films Gandhi, Munich, Assasination of Richard Nixon and V for Vendetta for inspiration. I consider myself a pacifist... but I have this dark tumor in my soul concerning certain people in the world that I loath, that insult me with their existence. I pleasure myself by killing them in fiction, but since I want to remain an artist of truth I feel I need to work this out. Would I, could I, kill these people in reality... and more importantly should I?

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." - Mahatma Gandhi

And I can't say I don't agree with this, but yet it troubles me. The charachter V in the film/comic V for Vendetta encompass all that I admire in a terrorist/freedom fighter. I find it difficult to see what he does wrong? But it is fiction and reality, albeit a false one, is far more complicated.

For many years I struggled with the problem of the death penalty; I couldn't decide if I was for or against... then I realised that death is not a punishment so now I am against it. Perhaps this should also apply to these people I think should be eradicated? Well, what if I just torture them a little like they have tortured others? After all they deserve it, but the world becomes blind... and I act as bad as them...

There is no end to this dilemma. Gandhi also stated that although he may die for many causes there is none that he is prepared to kill for. I guess I agree to this as well, but when faced with the barrel of a gun I must resist, even if I never attack. I can't, won’t, die easily. But I see the beauty of non-violence, it is a very strong weapon, although it takes not only courage, but endurance. I think my problem is connected with speed. I want change now!

To destroy buildings, not beings, that I see no problem with. To destroy symbols, sure... but souls? I have to say no, unless... they are about to destroy mine! Does this make me less wise than Gandhi, more rash?

I don't think I will solve this dilemma yet, I need an event/experience that will show me the way of what is right. I am too confused and angry at the sinister stupidity of mankind. Although these words by Gandhi do comfort me, if only a little:

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always!"

Further readings:
Be Nice

© deviadah